it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
