I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
