I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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