what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
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