i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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