No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize