I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
