i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
