Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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