Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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