walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
