I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
