just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
She bit a glass in half.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
