I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
