Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
