Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
