i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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