My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
