I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
