Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
