i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
