i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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