Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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