I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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