My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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