Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
