Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
