Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
