Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
