I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
i now understand why vodka
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
