I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
