and she was petting her beer can
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize