There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
