Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
