i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
We need to get me chipped asap
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