You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
