Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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