My room smells like vodka and shame
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
