I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
