You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
