I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
