Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize