I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I have aggressive nipples.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
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