OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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