i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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