Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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