you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
