Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
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