Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
