I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
