i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
