dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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