After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
