I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Randomize
