what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
