bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
