this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
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