i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
