I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
