I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
