Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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