i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
