i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
