I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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