im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
