marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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