If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You pole danced in your parka.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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