Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
