I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
