I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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