I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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