i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
