i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
tell me about the eggs
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
