You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
