im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Randomize