OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
