I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
im on a boat
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