...so i touched it.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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